Bailey Sergott (760)
Have you ever met someone who constantly has something negative to say about almost every situation? Someone who focuses on the weakness of other people, situations and the environment that they have no control over? They focus on blaming things that they cannot control instead of looking for things that they can control. The other day my sorority sister called me to complain about not being able to drive an hour to a sorority event that was not mandatory. When I gave her an option to ride with me, she immediately had another complaint. I was sitting there thinking if she doesn’t want to go, she doesn’t have to but making up silly excuses doesn’t do any good! Instead of just saying that she did not want to go, she came up with other excuses from her surroundings to put the blame on. A reactive person focuses on the concern instead of influence which is working on something that you can change.
Proactive? Reactive?
Proactive behavior is taking control of your life and attitudes. Proactive people will not blame their circumstances, genetics, or anything external for how they are behaving. Reactive people are affected by their surroundings like weather, circumstances, and how people are treating them that day. Proactive people can understand that nobody is to blame for their behavior except themselves. In other words they are “response-able.” A good way to determine if you are reactive or proactive is just to take a step back and look at the past few months. Do external factors affect your day-to-day attitudes? Does a gloomy day make you feel low? It’s important to recognize the difference between proactive and reactive to become the person who controls your own attitudes. A reactive person is almost like someone living their life off a script. Everything they do, and feel is a reaction to their surroundings. Slowly, start to try to notice in your everyday life when you are being reactive and proactive. If someone cuts you off when you are driving and you begin cursing at them, you engage in reactive behavior. Being reactive is extremely easy and very common but when you consciously notice it; it'll be much easier to change.
Key to Success
Being proactive is not only important for your own success and happiness but think of a spouse or raising a child. Have you ever dated someone who is never satisfied or happy with you? In a relationship a reactive person could say things like “if you treated me better than I would be happy.” This is a very common misconception in relationships. When I was a junior in high school, I thought for sure I was going to marry my high school boyfriend. I remember thinking things like if he had done more for me than I would be happier, but I am extremely glad that we are not together anymore, and I know that the only person in charge of my happiness is me. When we are still so young, we don’t always have very much self-awareness. The more self-aware you become the more proactive you will be. If you are always basing your happiness off another person or situation; I don’t think that true happiness can arise.
The Word Love...
My favorite example from Stephen R. Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is when he discusses the difference in how reactive and proactive people view the word love. He states that love to a reactive person is a feeling but to a proactive person it is a verb. I thought this was a new perspective that I had never thought about and I really enjoyed reading it. Covey says “proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world.” I think this is a unique look at different perspectives and this difference could make or break a relationship. If a reactive person does not feel the love anymore, they would give up on the relationship; a proactive person will work on the act of loving that person again.
Final Thoughts
It is important to remember that everyone behaves reactively from time to time. Being proactive is something that happens as you grow and become more self-aware. The more you start to become self-aware and notice your reactive vs. Proactive behavior, it will become easier to start working on your proactive mindset.
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